The most important question to ask

If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse. *— Ryan Blair*

Dear friend,

What are you willing to struggle for? What pain are you willing to suffer?

People want to be happy — but nearly nobody wants to appreciate the beauty of our world, see the joy in the little things, forgive another person, and optimize for the long term.

People want to have an awesome relationship — but nearly nobody is willing to approach another person, take the risk, and go through awkward silences and hurt feelings,… multiple times to get there.

People want to have their own businesses — but nearly nobody appreciates the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and wants to work insane hours on something they have no idea whether or not it will be successful.

People tend to view pain as a negative thing, something to be avoided at all costs. But what brings joy also brings pain.

## The quality of your negative experiences

My favorite writer Mark Manson once wrote:

*The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences, but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.*

Everything in life comes at a cost. And if you want to have something (and its benefits), you also need to want the cost. A beach body comes with sweat, sacrifice, soreness, early mornings, and hunger. The same goes for virtually everything else.

This understanding of our world makes you want less. If you appreciate the fact that a beach body is hard to achieve and decide for yourself that you don’t want to suffer this pain, you are free of the desire to want that. Every time you look into the mirror and feel that your body is not good enough, you can tell yourself that you are perfectly fine the way it is and that you don’t want to suffer the pain of changing it.

## You will find a way — if not, you’ll find an excuse

The secret of happiness is found in developing the capacity to enjoy less.

Better said than done. It’s not easy but super simple:

If you desire something, there are 2 options:

1: You are not willing to pay the price and suffer the pain to achieve and maintain it. So, you stop caring and don’t think about it again. Full stop.

2: You are willing to pay the price and suffer the pain. You will find a way to make it happen. When you struggle and start searching for excuses, you remind yourself why you initially wanted it. The stronger your why, the easier it will be. So, be very clear on that.

What are your desires? What are those you are willing to pay the price? And what are those you are not willing to suffer for? Would be curious to hear from you!